Never give up on a bad day

They say you should never give up on a bad day. Well today was not a bad day, but yesterday, it felt like it was. So should I give up breastfeeding? Here’s what is running through my mind…

What would I’d do with the 2.5hrs a day I currently spend attached to a pump? I could exercise in the morning because I wouldn’t be engorged when I wake up. I could help get Aviana ready for daycare in the morning.

Would I miss escaping to my ice box ‘lactation station’ private room at work? They can’t do anything about the temperature in the room. I am wrapped in a fleece blanket and still cold. I hate it. I want to work from home so I can pump quicker, but it’s not so easy with some of my projects.

I would probably need to stop sending formula coupons to a lovely lady I met through my local infertility support group who has twins just a few weeks younger than Aviana.

What would I use my giant work pumping bag for if it wasn’t carrying my pump?

Will Aviana get sick more often? Chris is ill at the moment and Aviana and I have both stayed well…this has happened before but when he caught the flu which would potentially have been serious.

Will my nipples stop hurting after Aviana has recently learned how to bite me? 

I wouldn’t need to lug my pump everywhere and figure out how to get my milk back from different foreign countries when traveling with work, navigating different customs rules.

I might feel sexy again and not feel like a human milk machine? I could wear bras that I like!! 

BUT…..

I would miss those nursing moments with Aviana that are so precious to me. And it’s not for long. She will only be this young once and this will be my only chance to nurse her before she decides she doesn’t need me anymore. She likes to be an independent girl so I fear it would be sooner than later, and makes it even more precious. 

The past couple of days at work I felt like quitting. And yesterday as I sat nursing Aviana in the middle of the botanical gardens behind a random bush because she still gets easily distracted, as I batted away the mosquitos and tried not to shout in pain when Aviana clenched her gums around my nipple, I wanted to stop there and then. But today? Today was a good day, even though she bit me, even though she got easily distracted, even though I’m sat here pumping late at night in bed whilst Chris is asleep next to me. Because Aviana looked up at me with a cheeky smile as I nursed her and my heart melted. Still, 7 months later and she gets me right there in the heart.

It’s all about my perspective on the day. Today I don’t want to quit. And this, this is why they say ‘don’t quit on a bad day’.

13 thoughts on “Never give up on a bad day”

  1. Amy M. says:
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    Good for you for pushing through. It’s definitely a hard decision, with a ton of things to factor in.
    I think about weaning all the time, and feel guilty for it. We want to start back with IVF once C hits a year old, and I know I have to be done nursing for that to happen. So not only will we be trying for another baby so that will take time away from her, but I also have to push her off the boob to do it. We want to grow our family before we get “too old”, but I feel like in doing so we’re robbing Cadence of things. She’s still currently nursing on average 7 times/day, she’ll be 9 months tomorrow…I feel like I’m putting myself in a tough place :-/

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dani says:
      Reply

      Oh wow, It’s a tough decision to make! Have you researched it yet? I know you had a cocktail of drugs to take last time so I guess it is unlikely you will be able
      To do both? I don’t know anything about it so if I’m asking a dumb question I’m sorry! I say enjoy as much as you can and don’t feel guilty, you have already done amazing things for C you won’t be robbing her ☺️ but very tough 😔

      Liked by 1 person

      • Amy M. says:

        I’ve already talked to my fertility nurse, she said to be done with BF before going back for IVF. I mean we could wait for another baby, but I’m already 39, B is 43. We don’t want to wait forever, you know? I think I’ll have mom guilt no matter what lol!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Dani says:

        Get out of here! You are not 39!!! You look so much younger!!!
        I can see why it’s on your mind, the rollercoaster of mom guilt doesn’t stop..I think for a few eighteen years at least??!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Amy M. says:

        Lol…seriously when you said that I had to look at what year it was on my computer and do the math in my head, you made me second guess myself! But yes, I’m 39. I’m old! So thank you! And yeah, probably at LEAST for 18 years! I’d say probably for as long as they’re living at home lol.

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  4. Mamalife says:
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    If I may share a few words of wisdom that my Lactation Consultant told me, and I quote her

    “Breast feeding is a symbiotic relation. Both the mother and the child benefit from it. Babies and toddlers don’t need breast milk to survive, they do very well even otherwise.
    If the mom begins resenting or hating the relationship, its best to wean off because what is supposed to be a personal moment between a mom and her child is lost. Every mom needs to evaluate when she is ready to stop, there are no medals or prizes offered for continuing to nurse even when you are not happy”.

    I think you are doing a fine job evaluating your relationship. Good luck!

    BTW, my son is 18 months old and sometimes, he chews my nipples and I detach him right away. It only gets worse, stop her from gumming right away. Scream in pain if need be.. to let her know it hurts you.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Dani says:
      Reply

      I love this!!! What an awesome LC!

      The biting thing…I am trying the whole ‘no’ with immediate detachment and telling her to nurse nice for me. She hasn’t got teeth yet, but I heard that this could be a sign of them coming 🤔 this morning she only did it once towards the end now I know what to look out for before she does it!!! It bloody hurts!!!

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  6. Jojonut says:
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    Wow, isn’t breastfeeding so amazing? I just love when my girl looks at me with a little grin when feeding. Melts my heart! And the way she gently strokes my arm when feeding. Oh what a good read! Thank you!

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