Leaving my baby behind

“How were your holidays?” My dentist asked me.

“Well I have a 5 week old baby, so they were pretty busy!! And this is my first time leaving her since she was born..” I said trying to sound excited. Actually, my emotions at that moment were mixed. 

Firstly, I really hate the dentist. It took a couple of visits with Chris before I really trusted this practice. My dislike of dentists is a long standing one. 

Secondly, I was feeling actually well rested because Aviana allowed me my first good 3 hour straight stretch of sleep for I can’t remember how long (even in pregnancy that was a challenge because of my necessity to pee every hour!).

Thirdly, I had left Aviana with Chris, for the first time in 5 weeks I was babyless. I felt both freedom and yet at the same time as if I had forgotten something. The feeling was like Aviana was my essential handbag with my wallet in it that I had left behind at home. I felt naked! 

“Wow you look good for having a newborn baby” the dentist said. Awwww shucks…well I’ll take that compliment even though I’m not good with them. I needed that confidence boost! I actually had time to put my make up on and blow dry my hair that morning because Chris took her first thing. I was feeling vaguely human!

I was only out of the house for 2.5hrs, but it was long enough to reset my mind. It had been a tough day the previous day. Aviana would not let me put her down from 6am to 1pm and she had been in and out of sleep since 3am. Although I had her in the wrap and could do bits in between her crying like eat a bite of breakfast, I was at my wits end. I had called Chris for help but couldn’t get through to him…and then all of a sudden she fell asleep in my arms and the world was right again. But I couldn’t help but feel like it was something I was doing to her to make her cry or not sleep. It was mentally (and a bit physically) exhausting. She must have exhausted herself out the poor thing. I was really looking forward to the pediatrician appointment the next day for a diagnosis of her silent reflux….TO BE CONTINUED!

9 thoughts on “Leaving my baby behind

  1. RJ says:

    Yeah it’s pretty weird not having the baby for the first time! Glad you were able to get out, even if it was for the dentist! And looking forward to hearing about your pediatrician appt!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Amy M. says:

    I went to WalMart a week or two ago without C. I was only gone for MAYBE an hour. It was a liberating sense of freedom…yet the whole time I was gone I was wondering if she was okay, if she was being fussy for B, if she was sleeping and didn’t even know I was gone…it’s such a strange feeling! I felt like I was forgetting something, too! Hope her appt goes well!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dani says:

      Yes I was wondering if Aviana was being fussy…in some ways I was secretly hoping she would be so Chris wouldn’t think it’s all sunshine and roses 😳
      I didn’t even think about Aviana potentially not missing me! Oh no, that’s made me sad thinking about that!!
      Thanks -the appt went quite well!


  3. My Perfect Breakdown says:

    It sounds like you and I are very similar in our feelings about dentists. I have an appointment next week and I’m completely dreading it!
    I still feel weird when I go out without Baby MPB. Especially when I go out and it’s not for work! So I’d say your feelings about your first outing without Aviana are pretty normal. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dani says:

      I don’t know how anyone could ever become a dentist as a career. There must be lots of people like you and I who dread going! Well good luck, hopefully yours goes waaaay better than mine (mine resulted in a referral for a surgical consult 😭)

      Liked by 1 person

      • My Perfect Breakdown says:

        Oh no! A surgical consult sounds horrible! I’m confident my appointment is going to end up with an endodontist referral for a root canal that I’ve been putting off…. I just don’t see the point of having a root canal until the tooth is fully dead, mainly because I don’t want to get it done until I absolutely have to!


  4. EmilyMaine says:

    Leaving my new babies always felt like I’d left home without my arm or something. Sorry to hear she has been struggling a little as she gets used to the world. Keep at it, it really does get a bit better as time passes. Sounds like you are doing an amazing job. So glad you got to have a wee break, even if it was the dentist!!


  5. Bela85 (flatwhitetogo85) says:

    Yesterday I went to the city where I work to catch up with some friends. I was away from Baby Flat for about 6 hours, which is the longest time yet. It was lovely to switch off for a few hours, but it felt so odd!! I kept having split second thoughts where I thought “OMG where’s he gone?” before remembering :D.

    Hope you enjoyed the short time “off” (although a dental appointment is maybe not the nicest way to celebrate!) x


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