Role Play Costumes for Kids

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I’ve been super prepared in thinking about Christmas and Birthday gifts for Aviana, and one idea I had was to increase her ‘wardrobe’ with role play type dressing up costumes.  Currently she has a doctors kit, a kitchen (where she pretends to be mummy and daddy), and a till for a cashier.  She loves pretend play and is quite imaginative, so we probably don’t actually need anymore….but I thought it could be fun to expand it.  So using amazon I typed in “dress up costumes” and saw that “girls” and “boys” were separate search strings, so intrigued I tried “girls”.

Of course what do you think came up….princesses.  Of course, I’m not that surprised.

Princesses. Super heros in pink and purple (ok not so bad). Glamour girl (what is that even?!) Firefighter (cool!  But it was a boy in the picture).  Premier Chef (pink and frilly pinafore). Princess, princess, fairy. Waitress.  Princess. A surgeon (ding ding ding!  with actually a girl in the picture). Hairstylist. Princess, princess, princess. blah blah blah.  I stopped scrolling.

So I changed the search term to be boys….this is what came up

Surgeon. Knight. Army. Firefighter. Police. Pirate. Super Hero. Construction worker. Surgeon. Mail delivery. Super Hero. Police. Super hero. Firefighter. Princess (oooooh!!!!) which came before an astronaut….King. Pilot. Racing driver.

I then genericized the search term to be ‘kids’….and I got a mix of all the above, there was one picture after much scrolling with a girl in an astronaut’s costume.  I suddenly checked myself.  What did I want for Aviana?  I wanted her to have fire fighter, police and needed some inspiration for others, but I was stuck.  The only thing I put on the wish list was fire fighter.

Am I surprised? No.  But where else can I look for non-gender stereotyped costumes?

I googled, but didn’t get much.  I already follow Princess Awesome and Boy wonder for clothes that break gender stereotyping.  And I found an interesting page that lists some more companies at #clotheswithoutlimits (https://www.clotheswithoutlimits.com/) but I couldn’t find anything specific to dress up to inspire me.  Do you know a company that doesn’t gender stereotype dress-up costumes? I know Aviana can wear any costume, but wouldn’t it be nice to have something a little more balanced?

Autoimmune Protocol Diet

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So this thyroid thing I have….we don’t know what it is yet, but the doctor suggested early Graves’ disease.  I joined several facebook groups with people who have been diagnosed as hyperthyroid or Graves’ so I could talk to others about it.  I had very little knowledge about it other than the first few 50 page search results of google that are very generic “This is Graves’ diseases…here are the signs and symptoms….”.  It is a little intimidating to hear from people who have had this disease for years and still don’t have their thyroid levels in check, trying everything under the sun to help them feel better.  I had heard several times about a diet that had helped – The Autoimmune Protocol Diet.  I checked it out.  The science behind it made sense, and there were small studies that had shown it’s effectiveness in helping to reduce symptoms and even heal certain autoimmune diseases.  I researched the heck out of it.

It became apparent that it was worth a go.  Also, in the meantime, Chris had an annual checkup and was told he needs to adjust his diet and exercise more (he already walks everyday on his treadmill desk whilst he works).  So this seemed like a good time to start thinking about a healthy diet.  In particular as Chris had Guillen-Barre syndrome last year and suffers from vitiligo, both automimmune diseases.  Healing a leaky gut made sense.  Figuring out if there are foods that trigger our tiredness and give us upset tummy would be a good thing.

What is the AIP diet?  Basically kiss goodbye to gluten, dairy, soy, nuts, seeds, alcohol and all nightshade plants such as potatoes and tomatoes.  Yikes.  But it’s all about being nutrient dense.  It’s not a weight loss diet, it’s about healing and improving overall health.  We do this for 30-60 days to reset the gut and let it heal, then slowly re-introduce foods one at a time and observe.  My brother has celiac disease (I was tested and do not have it) and my mother can’t tolerate soy or eggs so I know how hard it can be to figure food out, especially when going out to restaurants.   We figured if we do it together that we’d be more likely to stick at it.

Along with the diet we decided to get back into the routine of regular exercise before breakfast and work (eeeek to 5AM wake ups!!!).  I subscribed to Beachbody on Demand and we decided to give PiYo a go.  We tried it many years ago and enjoyed it’s low impact way of getting the heart rate up with minimal equipment.  It’s a 2 month programme.  We started the PiYo for a week before starting the diet.  I wouldn’t recommend starting an exercise programme and a diet all at once, your body will kill you!

Maybe we should have waited for two weeks before starting the diet, but actually, we started to feel the effects quickly.  Chris lost several pounds in two weeks.  I needed to keep my weight stable which I was managing well to begin with.  Probably because the Methimazole is a drug that slows down the metabolism and so putting weight on is easy to do.

We bought a cookbook called ‘The Idiot’s guide to Autoimmune Protocol Diet’ and it was great in laying out recipe ideas.  We realized to stay on track we would need to do A LOT of food prep.  A diet of fresh meat, fish, vegetables and fruit can be delightfully tasty, but the preparation needed to make it tasty is insane.  Not cool when you are both working parents to a two year old (who is a picky eater BTW).

So fast forward and we are now six weeks into the diet and exercise and we have both stuck to it.  Well, whilst traveling for work I had a hard time being completely pure to AIP, but I definitely didn’t make a conscious decision to eat things non compliant to the protocol.  I had to eat something and couldn’t starve myself for this diet.

I have noticed a few improvements already….

  1. My poops are awesome!  I have had Irritable Bowel Syndrome most of my adult life and finally my poops are what I expect to be mostly normal.
  2.  My skin has felt softer, although my skin has become clearer over the recent years I am still breaking out around my period time of the month.
  3.  Fewer cravings and hunger.  Snacking has reduced significantly!  the first couple of days on the diet were hard, but then it never became an issue.  Now, I tracked my calories intake for a couple of weeks and realized it can be hard to keep the calories up!  So there have bene a few days when I have been ridiculously hungry and I suspect my body was actually hungry, rather than snack type hungry.  Not sure if that makes any sense!
  4.   Muscles!  I have muscles!  I have become leaner overall.  My legs are feeling like rocks, my arms are less bingo wings style and my abs are becoming defined.  (People who know me a probably rolling their eyes because they tell me I’m slim anyway – yes, on the slim side, but not toned or strong!)

Just a couple more weeks and we will be starting to do some reintroductions of certain foods.  I am looking forward to reintroducing almonds and eggs.  And the occasional glass of wine.  Each reintroduction of a food type can take a few weeks so, this isn’t a quick process.  But I’m feeling good about it all.  I just wish I’d done this sooner.

From scratch Home made AIP meals and snacks

A ‘Grave’ Situation

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My new primary care doctor is thorough, for which I am glad.  At my annual workplace medical she examined my thyroid and asked me if she could run one other test that wasn’t on the list my work requires me to do.  I said ‘of course, whatever you think is necessary’.  But then my test results (TSH and Free T4) came back showing I had a hyperthyroid and she wanted me to see an endocrinologist to figure out why. Cue Dr google.  What is a hyperthyroid?  What does it mean?

Turns out I had all the symptoms I had put down to postpartum and getting older in general.

  • Tiredness – I was struggling to get up in the mornings, feeling exhausted having just slept;
  • Heart beating hard and occasionally very fast, I’m always on the verge of feeling like I’m catching some kind of cold;
  • Pain in my neck I’d put to sitting funny at my desk;
  • Chris had noticed I was always warmer than him (very unusual because I am constantly cold!!!), I was feeling warmer in the office despite it being very cold!
  • When I got sick it was taking me a lot longer to shake it off. I caught a summer cold and the sore throat persisted for over two weeks.
  • Random sore throats that would come and go quickly. I have a toddler who exposes me to all the germs in the world??!
  • Also hand and feet numbness which has been going on for two years, my old doctor ran tests back then, nothing conclusive, decided it was probably postpartum arthritis and I would get over it soon when I stopped breastfeeding. It never went away.  It just never got worse.
  • My new doctor told me off for being underweight, I told her that was not true the scales in the office must be off, my clothes hadn’t changed. Actually I had lost 5lbs and hadn’t noticed so I was close to being underweight on the BMI scale.
  • Finally, the last thing was that I was getting quite short tempered and easily irritable. At work one day recently I slammed the phone down.  I was really mad at someone who wasn’t listening to me.  Everyone came to ask me what was wrong!  It just wasn’t like me.

None of these things I felt worth mentioning to my doctor at my workplace medical because on their own are little thing, but in hindsight perhaps I should have.  I did mention being slightly tired but put it down to being a parent of a toddler.  When in reality, Aviana sleeps incredibly well and is not a little night terror, there is no reason really why I should be tired.

The endocrinologist I was referred to was not available until November (I was referred in July), I thought that was an insane amount of time to wait so I called around looking for a doctor who would take on a new patient sooner.  Eventually I found one who was available in September so I asked my doctor to send a referral to this one.  Like magic, she managed to get me an appointment with the specialist for the following week.

So the following week, the endocrinologist asked me a few questions and took an ultrasound of my thyroid.  He explained that there were a few things that can cause hyperthyroidism and we needed to investigate all of them.  He did an ultrasound and ruled out any masses – my thyroid was swollen on the left side – just where I’d felt the pain in my neck and ignored it.  I also was now able to see what my primary care doctor had felt – my thyroid was clearly swollen.  I just thought my neck was getting fatter!  I had some more blood tests taken and my TSH levels were getting lower and my T3 and T4 levels higher, only just slightly abnormal.  Another test, TSI, came back normal – this was the test that would have given me a clear diagnosis of Grave’s disease.  The endocrinologist told me my symptoms weren’t that bad because many people with advanced hyperthyroid would be sat shaking, anxious, heart racing with their eyes bulging out.  So whatever it was it was caught early, most likely its early onset of Grave’s disease, an autoimmune disease that attacks the thyroid.

The endocrinologist emailed me to say I had a choice (I have a choice?!): to wait and be monitored or to start taking a drug that would help control my thyroid.  Of course, given a choice I will always try the non-drug route.  But then in that time period I also found out my father had a stroke because his thyroid had stopped working and has been on thyroid medications since.  I mentioned it to the doctor and he changed his mind and told me given my family history, he would prefer I took the drugs.  OK so not much of a choice now.  So here I am on 5mg of methimazole every other day.  This is a very low dose given my blood test results.

Chris picked up my prescription and the pharmacist told him that these drugs take some time to get used to and can have some nasty side effects, they printed a detailed sheet for him to give to me.  That made me feel nervous.  I did some research online and many of the side effects included nausea, headaches, upset tummy, weight gain and pretty much all the other reactions someone may have to drugs in general.  I joined a support group on facebook and learned that it is best to take the medication with food before bed.  The first day I took it I was at a party, 20 minutes after taking the tiny pill I suddenly felt like the world slowed down, I couldn’t feel my heart beating as hard or fast that it felt really strange.  I felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest.  Chris told me I looked like I was stoned.  But that didn’t last too long.  Over the next few days I started to feel less tired, I had more energy and my heart was not pounding as hard.  I guess I was ill after all, I just hadn’t noticed it.

I bought a fitbit to help monitor my heart rate.  I’ve been taking the medication now for almost four weeks and my resting heart rate has come down a little bit….however I have started to do exercise again as I have felt like I’ve got my energy back, so maybe that’s related to the exercise or a combination of the drugs and the exercise.  In general, I haven’t any side effects – I put the weight back on immediately, but not excessively and I sometimes experience nausea a few hours after taking the pill, but it’s not terrible.

I spent a bit of time researching the thyroid and infertility.  It turns out that your thyroid can mess up your fertility.  I took a look back at my TSH levels that my primary doctor tested every year for my annual medical and there were high-normal.  My Reproductive Endocrinologist never tested my thyroid, but if she did or looked at my annual results from my primary care physician some RE’s would have considered my TSH levels for fertility too high and may have given me drugs.  Perhaps this all explains my unexplained infertility after all?  I found out that thyroid tests are now included in the standard workup at the clinic since I least went 4 years ago which I am glad about.  But that doesn’t really matter right now as we are not planning to TTC.  Our frozen embryo remains on ice.  Even if we did want to TTC, the drugs I am on currently are toxic in the first trimester so that would be problematic. Plus I would have to get my thyroid levels back to being normal before getting pregnant.

Oh did I also mention that thyroid problems are relate to IUGR?  May be another explanation for something so unexplained in my life?

My next monitoring appointment is Friday.  I’m hoping for positive news that the drugs are working and I don’t need a higher dosage.

The guilty travelling mother

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Officially my maternity leave ended last week and with my first week back at work being on another continent I was kind of thrown into the deep end of motherhood guilt. Not only is there the guilt of leaving my 5 month old daughter during the day whilst I work, there is the added guilt of leaving her for 7 days and 8 nights. 

The night I left for Europe, Aviana decided to wake up 3 times for some unknown reason, where previously she has been sleeping through the night. Maybe she knew I was gone. Maybe it’s the 4mth sleep regression. My poor husband had to deal with that on his own, and throughout the rest of the week too she did not sleep particularly well. Aviana also managed to catch a cold, her first one, perhaps that had something to do with it too. Luckily she wasn’t teething too! That really would have sucked for Chris.

And so I feel guilty for not being there to giver her cuddles when she doesn’t feel well or when she wakes in the night crying for some unknown reason. I feel guilty my husband has the burden of sole responsibility, and it’s tough to catch a breather (because work isn’t really a true breather). I also really miss nursing her! It is an amazing bond but I didn’t think I would miss it as much as I have done. 

Having said all this, I have had some good times this week. I graduated from my 9 month executive development programme! Finally it’s over! I presented my team’s project to some of the most senior people within the organization (it was an amazing opportunity!) and received great positive feedback about my presentation style. Apparently I was so compelling I didn’t need a PowerPoint presentation, I’m not sure there is a better complement than that. I also had a bit of fun on our graduation night – it’s been over 1.5yrs since I’ve had more than one glass of wine in a night! I’ve also eaten some fantastic food-just look at this beef tartare and pana cotta…..mmmmmmmm. 


I know I have a few more trips away this year, and Chris will be on his own again a few more times. But that’s how it is with my job, I can’t avoid it. Almost everyone in my team has children, it’s just the way it goes. I’m sure we will figure it all out. Chris will probably travel himself at some point soon too for work and I will experience what he does. Not so sure how Aviana will deal with it as she gets older. Actually, I’m not really sure to what extent and how much she misses me right now. She can’t express herself obviously. I have a big fear of her going on a nursing strike when I return. 

So yes I’m feeling a little guilty right now…and very much looking forward to coming home soon and to feel a little less guilty!

I guessed you were a mother

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“I guessed you were a mother”.  The statement took me by surprise.  I didn’t realise that people guessed others parental status or not.  I had been teaching and facilitating a course all week long and he was a student.  I wasn’t sure how to respond.  Firstly, what was I doing that made me appear mother-ish?  Was it some words I used, the way I taught (which apparently was very good), my demeanour, my pouchy tummy, my mumsy clothes? I didn’t ask.  I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the truth!

It got me thinking about how I have changed as an employee since becoming a mother.  Has it affected the way I work and how I work with people?  Over the years I have taken the Belbin team roles test to see how I best work within a team.  It’s a 360 degree feedback test, so I invited several people to respond to questions about me.  In the final report you receive analysis of your preferred way of working compared to how others perceive you.  It also provides a list of words that others describe me as.  I had taken the test PRE becoming a mother and POST becoming a mother.  Within a 1.5 year time period people had described me differently.  The word “Caring” become top of the list since becoming a mother, whereas before it was waaaaay down bottom of the list.  That surprised me.  The word “Impatient” had also appeared on my list whereas nobody had described me as that before becoming a mother. People perceived me as analytical both before and after – thank goodness that hadn’t changed seeing as being an analyst is actually my job!

So what does this all mean?  That I have probably changed in the way I work – whether it was associated with becoming a mother or not, I don’t know, but I reckon it’s likely true.

Purple

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“This one mummy” says Aviana pulling at my purple top hanging in my closet.  I had asked her to pick out some clothes for me to wear.  Almost all the time I do this she will pick out a purple piece of clothing.  Why?  Because purple is Aviana’s favourite colour.  I don’t know why, but it just is.  If ever we need her to do something, if it is purple, that might just persuade her. For example:

Aviana – please eat your dinner…”NO!!!”…OK, how about you eat it from a purple Bowl? – “OK”.  

Aviana – please get dressed…”NO!!!”…OK, how about you put on this purple top and purple trousers? – “OK”.

According to Wikipedia, “The age when infants begin showing a preference for colour is about 12 weeks old.  Generally, children prefer the colours red/pink and bluee, and cool colors are preferred over warm colours.  Purple is a colour favoured more by girls than boys.  Colour perception of children 3-5 yrs of age is n indicator of their developmental stage.  Colour preferences tend to change as people age.”

From infancy, we develop learned paired associations with colour meanings and emotions.  These associations can elicit an automatic emotional response, thoughts and action without conscious awareness. One study explored colour preferences of young children and discovered that purple and pink showed significant gender difference, with girls rating purple and pink as a happy colour and boys rating it as an unhappy colour.  Red revealed a marginally significant gender difference, with girls rating red as unhappy and boys rating it happy.  Other colours -orange, yellow, black, white, blue and green revealed no significant gender differences. [1]

But what does a toddler’s favourite colour really mean? Here is an excellent post that explains it all.

You are welcome 🙂

[1] https://www.hindawi.com/journals/cdr/2012/975670/

 

Just Relax

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Three years ago this blog was not on my radar.  My other blog The Great Pudding Club Hunt absolutely was.  We were just about to start our third cycle of IVF and although I hoped and dreamed to be able to have my own blog about parenting, Aviana was not on our radar yet either.  Three years ago, 21st March 2016, I set off on my work trip to Belgium; there was something else not on my radar, something unimaginable, something that can only be described as the absolute scariest moment of my life.  And it is now three years later I fly to Belgium, writing this blog post with a major difference – I have the most beautiful daughter I can snuggle, teach, love, care for, cry for, laugh and play with.   My perspective on that terrifying day has changed.

Anyone who has ever told an infertile couple to ‘Just Relax’ and you will conceive has a) never been through infertility and b) never heard our story of how Aviana was conceived.  So let me tell why I believe telling someone who is trying to get pregnant to ‘Just Relax’ is a whole lot of crap…..

After Chris and I had received the news that our second round of IVF treatment was a complete and utter failure we had very different feelings about if or when we should attempt a third round of IVF.  It was quite a low point in our infertility journey.  I won’t tell you all the gory details here, that’s all captured in my other blog, but picture the lowest low you could be at, on the edge of giving up.  Never-the-less, we started our third IVF cycle and I had started a regime of down-regulating the hormones in my body to prepare for hormone stimulating drugs.  It was the first time I was traveling for work on my own meaning that I was going to have to give myself the injections.  This in itself was pretty daunting….especially trying to figure out timings of injections over different time zones.

I landed in Brussels airport very early in the morning, so after I picked up my bags I decided to take a nice coffee to help perk me up after a tiring red eye flight before taking an 1.5hr train journey to Mons.  I wondered around with time to kill, went to the toilet, got cash out, I wasn’t in a hurry to be somewhere.  I headed to starbucks on the departures floor because my favourite drink is a tall skinny vanilla latte. I found somewhere to sit near an electrical outlet so I could charge my depleted phone battery, but just as I plugged in my phone there was a loud bang – it sounded like some building work had caved in – there was a lot of dust and confusion as we looked around, suddenly people were running – this all happened in 30 seconds, and then the second blast came – a giant shockwave went through me and a fireball went over my head, I vividly remember the heat and the smell in that instant. The ceiling had fallen down in front of my eyes, the glass behind me had shattered.

It was clear this wasn’t an accident, I found myself on the floor aware my life was in danger. People were wandering around dazed, screaming, running, crying falling over each other. I grabbed my phone, still plugged in, lying down on the floor and called Chris even though it was 3AM in the US – he answered and I thought in that moment I might be saying goodbye to him.  I told him not to worry, that I’d be OK.  But I thought this can’t be it – this isn’t it, there is more to come…terrorist modus operandi is to distract, create panic and cause mass casualties. I have to get out of here alive, but how? I didn’t know where to go, how to get out.

I won’t go through everything that happened that morning (you can read my blog post from that day), but I will say that the ONE thing that ran through my mind was my medication for my down regulation.  Half of it was in my suitcase, the other half in my roller carry on bag.  So I grabbed them both dragging and lifting them over the parts of the ceiling that had fallen down, broken glass, and other crap lying on the floor that people had abandoned in a panic.

brussels terror attack

In hindsight, I must have looked like a complete idiot worrying about my bags (we’ve all seen those videos of stupid people taking their suitcases down the aeroplane slide after emergency landings! Yeh – c’est moi!). All I could think was THIS WILL NOT RUIN MY IVF CYCLE. I’M NOT WAITING ANOTHER 2 MONTHS TO START AGAIN.  Ha.

The terror of that morning continued (read my blog post) and I eventually found myself at a Hilton Hotel.  As I finally made it to a room they graciously let me have (despite it clearly in the midst of some kind of improvement/renovation) I looked in the mirror, sweat, tears and black soot from the smoke was smeared across my face, ash in my hair and all over my clothes. My legs and stomach were sore and grazed – I still have no idea how that happened, I think I can understand now how people in the movies don’t realise they are shot until they have escaped the danger, look down and they are bleeding.

Stress.  That was fucking stressful.  It was the ANTI relaxation moment in my life. It was more stressful than rockets landing around me in Iraq (and Afghanistan) – at least there I expected that shit.

And yet….I continued to inject myself with hormones, we kept going with the IVF cycle…. several weeks after, sleep didn’t always come easy, flashbacks and survivors guilt followed. And yet…we were successful.  Successful with my little fighter, Aviana (AKA Rocky).

This week I went back to the newly refurbished Brussels airport, I looked at the candles lit for those who lost their lives there three years ago, the giant bouquets of flowers near the small and modest memorial in the terminal, and I remembered how that day changed many people’s lives in ways unimaginable.  Yet for me there was something amazing, it was also the beginning of how Aviana came to be.  It will always be the bitter and darkest moment that eventually became the sunshine after the storm.

So fuck anyone that dares to say ‘Just Relax – it will happen’. For those of you fighting to grow your family, I salute your strength and squeeze you tightly with hugs of warmth to keep going. It can happen in those lowest of low moments when the stress seems like it’s over flowing and you’re drowning. We are anecdotal proof that relaxing is not the magic key.  A little bit of science and a little bit of luck is what will get you there.

*NB.  I wrote this a couple of weeks ago, but I wasn’t sure I really wanted to post it, but here it is 🙂

I gotta go paaady

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Aviana had been back at school for just two days and she came home saying she “gotta go paaaady”.  My interpretation – Aviana has to go party??! Oh no….she has to “go POTTY”.  (Not even “go to THE potty”!!) American’s pronounce Ts very differently to us Brits.  For example when I go out to a restaurant I have to order a “Waadder” so to be understood, because if I ask for a Water (with a Teee!) I get a blank stare as if I’m an alien.

So, it finally happened Aviana came home from school speaking American to us.

I’ve been meaning to write a post about accents and how Aviana uses American and British words.  And now it seems appropriate I should write this now she has come home with this new phrase.

I had noticed that Aviana has been using British words when speaking to Chris and I (such as nappy or rubbish) and generally annunciating words with a British accent.  But when she was with American teachers/nanny/others she appropriately used the American version (such as diaper or trash).  Huh! This girl is smart! So I thought….  But it turns out this is an amazingly short period of time where this happens.  At around 20mths toddlers are massively influenced by the accents they are surrounded by at daycare/school.  Fascinatingly, babies can differentiate between British and American accents at just 5 months old.  It turns out it is around the age of 2 that is a prime time for automatic language development (bilingual kids can learn without needing to understand how a language works). They just get it.  I have been learning about this incredible phenomenon spurred by reading a book by Maria Montessori “The Absorbent Mind” who observed this period of a child’s development in her work.

I find recent news reports of young American and Canadian kids speaking in a British accent after watching (a lot) of Peppa Pig hilarious.  This peppa pig phenomena isn’t uncommon…there are many reports of kids speaking Spanish words before English words after watching Dora the Explorer or British kids speaking with American accents after watching imported cartoons.  It’s fascinating how impressionable these programs are on their language development!

But the real question is – how long will Aviana have an accent for if we leave America? And will it make a difference how old she is?  Good question….this will be my next research task!  But for now it looks like Aviana will be speaking more and more with an American accent and her British accent was short lived.

 

 

Potty Training: Ready Set Go

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Back in July last year I wrote about ‘The poop monster‘ where Aviana wanted to sit on the potty.  We decided several months later to try potty training at 22mths.  Aviana had shown a lot of interest so we bought a book called “Ready Set Go: A gentle parenting guide to calmer, quicker potty training” by Sarah Ockwell-Smith author of ‘gentle parenting’, we geeked up and decided to give it a go.  Half way though day 2 we realised Aviana wasn’t being herself and she actually fell sick so we decided to stop the potty training.  Since then there hasn’t really been a good time to start the potty training – work travels, vacations and a new school have delayed us starting.  But we finally planned it for the Presidents day weekend!

Ready, Set, Go focuses on the importance of readiness and the parents role to gently guide and the lead the way at a ‘mindful pace’, it’s the children who are in the driver’s seat.  The book is based on four principles:

Teamwork: Gentle potty training is based on the connection between parent and child

Compassion: gentle potty training is considerate of the child’s needs and feelings.  There is no punishment or chastising.

Being informed: gentle potty training is based on scientific knowledge and is as evidence-based as possible

No rewards: gentle potty training is achieved without chocolate candies, stickers or heaped-on praise.

Sounds ideal?  She doesn’t promise that your child will be dry in a week, but that it will be stress free.  And our experience has been just that thus far.

Pre P-Day (AKA Potty-Day)

The book explains the importance of talking to your child about what it is going to happen – no surprises – before you actually begin the potty training.  We taught Aviana the correct words for her body parts and encouraged her to come into the toilet with us to pee and poop.  We explained what it all meant and why we were doing it.  We did this over a period of months.  The day before P-Day I took Aviana to pick out her own underwear (even though the first time we did potty training we had bought a whole bunch, we still let her pick her own).  She picked out Moana underwear – of course the most expensive ones! We bought two different types of potties.  One that was a mini version of a toilet (Summer Infant Potty My Size) and one which converted into a step stool (Munchkin Arm and Hammer multi stage potty).  We also bought a toilet seat converter (Baby bjorn potty seat).  We had options!  The other thing we did include potty training proofing our furniture.  We used puppy training pads and waterproof picnic blankets on the sofas.  We removed some of the rugs to make it easier because we have hardwood floors so there was no worries about her peeing on the floor.  The night before we told Aviana we were going to throw away her pull ups and she was going to wear her new underwear.

P-Day!

We chose a long weekend to start so on the saturday morning we got Aviana up and made her throw her pull ups away (but not her night time nappies/diapers because she we aren’t ready yet to throw those away!).  She was excited to start potty training.  On day 1 the book says the child should not wear any underwear and must go bare bottom for at least a day to allow the focus on feeling what happens when they do go and not go in the potty.   The book highlights the importance of the parents confidence.  This time around I felt very confident Aviana was ready and could do this.  We asked Aviana to tell us where she wanted the potty in her play room.  She put it in a certain place and was happy about that.

The hard but good thing about this potty training method is no rewards.  It states that if your child is ready, there is no need for a reward, ever.  In addition it calls for not heaping on the superficial praise, rather provide effort based, specific and descriptive praise.  Eg. “I guess you didn’t need to poo after all, but sitting there waiting for a poo to come was a great idea” or “I saw that you took yourself to the potty when you need to pee; that made me really proud that you listened to your body” or “wow that’s a big poo.  I can see some of the corn you had for dinner yesterday in it: can you?”  admittedly it’s hard to not use excessive praise because really I was genuinely excited when Aviana did get her pee and poop in the potty!  So yes, we did give her some well dones…but used these types of praise and statements as well.  It effectively ‘normalised’ her actions.

Of course the book also describes what to do when the child does have an accident….stay absolutely calm!!!! OK easier said than done.  But being prepared for accidents made it easier to stay clam as well as understanding how normal it is to have accidents frequently.  Especially in the first few days being part of the process.  “Next time you will know to go a bit earlier and we will get it in the potty!” Inviting the child to clean up their accident without talking about it being a mess or dirty to prevent shame.  I actually found this to be relatively helpful and keep me calm.

The book is a little confusing on to how much you remind/prompt your child to go to the potty.  It makes it sound really easy like your child will always sit on the potty whenever you suggest it’s time.  Aviana really DID NOT want to sit on the potty whenever we suggested it, and we can’t force her to sit on it or even bribe her.  So for example, the book suggests prompting/reminding every hour or 20 minutes after a large drink.  It was really hard to get the balance right.  But we had to trust the process and not bug her by telling her every 5 minutes she should go.  It was also our duty to spot when she wanted to go but perhaps wasn’t thinking about going so we could help her get to the potty.  She definitely has a little potty dance.

We decided to not put a diaper/pull up on for naps because she has been waking up from her naps dry for quite some time now.  She was a trooper and did not wet the bed!  Winner!

Day 1 the book expects most on the floor, not in the potty.  Well day 1 was awesome…Aviana had just 3 accidents, 7 pees and a poop in the potty.  Most of those she even took herself and didn’t need reminding.  It looks like she had remembered from her previous first start of potty training.  She knew just what to do.

We went to bed feeling pretty chuffed – may be it would be easier than we ever thought!

P-Day + 1

This was a little more of a stressful day.  Perhaps being stuck in doors for 2 days in a row didn’t help and we had used up most of the exciting new activities the previous day!  Never the less…we had several accidents.  One on the sofa that seemed to be purposeful, and of course she did it right in between the waterproof covers we had placed on the sofa!  We thought as it was going well in the morning to put her in underwear…that was when it felt like we were going backwards and maybe had introduced underwear too soon.   I was also starting to feel like I had a cold coming with a very runny nose. I was feeling disheartened, I worried we had blown it, until the last pee of the night she took herself and was perfect.

The book states a 60/40 floor/potty ratio for the second day…we were falling a little short on that ratio, but at least the poop was in the potty!

p-Day + 2

Chris went back to work, but I had the day off with Aviana for presidents day.  The third day is supposed to be another day inside close to the potty!  I really was beginning to go a bit stir crazy from being stuck indoors and I think Aviana was feeling the same.  I also started to get a fever with chills in the afternoon, it looked like my cold was turning into a sinus infection.  gross.  I turned to the help of my facebook mom group for ideas on keeping a toddler busy indoors and was reinvigorated to keep going with some fun things to do – we even baked some biscuits.

The book states to expect on day 3 a 50/50 floor-potty ratio.  In general, the day was much better than the previous with just 1 accident and 4 wees in the potty.  But no poop to be seen.  She was clearly a little constipated as she attempted to poo several times.  Aviana was doing awesome.  I however was feeling ROUGH and needed my bed!

p-Day + 3

I woke up feeling very sick after a rough night’s sleep.  I called in sick at work.  We sent Aviana into school with several changes of clothes and shoes.  Just as well because she came home with three sets of dirty clothes after her accidents, including a poop in the pants.  Whoops!  However, the teachers did say she had been taking herself to the potty on occasion.

p-Day + 4

Aviana woke up with a temperature and clearly had caught whatever I had.  So there we were both of us at home, ill.  Chris took the day off work to look after us both.  We thought potty training would go out of the window but overall she did really well.  We had a shower together and she pooped right at the end in the shower.  It was gross and we were rather surprised it seem to come from no where!  Luckily it didn’t get washed down the drain and was easy to clean up.

After several days of a temperature we took Aviana to urgent care and it turned out she had the flu….so I must have had the flu too.  But our symptoms weren’t so bad so I didn’t believe we had the flu, however, we both had the vaccine so we were probably fighting it.  Chris managed to avoid it completely!  So we survived the flu and potty training.

By Day 7 Aviana had managed her first day completely dry with no accidents!  The book suggests day 7-14 will be a 10/90 ratio of floor/potty, and will continue for a month or two with the odd accident common for the first year.

As soon as Aviana went back to school we worried she would regress, but she had just one poop accident on her day back….it is likely this will happen for a little while longer whilst she figures out the pooping thing and how comfortable she is pooping at school.

We have even left the house and taken our foldable potty seat (it’s a pink owl shape!) with us and she has peed in public toilets. Whoo hoo!!!

Night time potty training will come something up to a year later when Aviana is physically able to hold her pee through the night (around 3-4yrs old).  We won’t be in a rush to night time train and we decided we won’t be doing the method of waking her up in the middle of the night thing.  We will follow her lead on that.

Was it gentle potty training? Yes, absolutely.  Was it easy? Well it wasn’t the easiest thing I’ve done, but it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.

We have to remember that our job isn’t over yet and she is still learning to understand her body, so it’s not over quite yet 🙂

 

 

 

2 years old

11 Comments

Last month Aviana turned two.  Wow.

At two years old she surprises me every day.  She is going through a language explosion right now.  She says new words completely out of the blue so we have to be careful now about swearing!  One day she just randomly started counting to 20. She knows her abcs and can read some of the letters.  Again, randomly she started pointing out letters.  Suddenly I felt underprepared for her learning to read.  She speaks in 4 or 5 word sentences and has memorized many nursery rhymes – her favourite being twinkle twinkle little star and incey wincey spider.  She also knows all her colours – she impressed the doctor at around 21 mths with all her colour knowledge!

One of Aviana’s favourite hobbies is reading.  Some nights we can end up reading her 5 or 6 books before bed or even more if she is allowed to.   She is not picky over her books and will read them over and over so that she can memorise the story and join in the reading. One day she started recanting the Christmas story! Some of her favourite books are all her Julia Donaldson books, including the Gruffalo, and some recent favourites are ‘The Pout Pout Fish’ and Sparkle the Unicorn.

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Aviana’s favourite toy is her kitchen (she calls it her kitchen disco – another good book BTW!) followed probably by duplo, play doh and stickers.  She is insanely good with stickers and is quite a perfectionist with them, they have to be just right.

Aviana likes to help us out in the kitchen – she has some steps so she can reach the surface, although she is still a little too short.  She rather enjoys making a cake and helping daddy with daddy pancakes.  She will also help load the dishwasher!

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Aviana LOVES going to the Little gym, swinging around, roly polys, dancing around on the mats, just learning new gymnastic skills in general.

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She also loves going to the zoo, playing in the park (particular the swings, she could swing easily for half an hour without stopping if she was allowed to).

Her favourite TV shows are pocoyo (narrated by Steven Fry and he is brilliant!) and baby bum….she can also be distracted with pretty much anything on the TV if she were allowed to be, which we discovered on our family trip back to the UK recently! (THANK YOU NETFLIX!!!!)

Things Aviana doesn’t like to do….in typical two year old fashion – get dressed, get undressed, have her hair dried with the hair dryer, going out in the cold, eat too many types of vegetables (she currently eats frozen peas, corn on the cob/sweetcorn/cucumber and raw carrots-kind of).  She is also quite shy and reserved until she knows a place and person.

Aviana sleeps from around 7.30 PM to around 6-7AM with the odd occasion beyond 7 (of course that’s the day we have to go to work), she naps for around 2 hours but can survive without a nap – bedtime is just ugly.  I would say overall she is a good sleeper and we are very lucky that she is easy going to get to sleep (thus far!)

She still has her last 4 molars to come through although I suspect she has been teething these for well over a month now, perhaps even longer than that.  She is not so great at brushing her teeth…it is the one thing that she has complete and utter control over.  Having said that, the dentist said her teeth are very good (particularly as she is thumb sucker).  I wish there was some easy way to get her teeth clean!!!!

Hmmmm what else can I say about this girl?  Her sense of humour is wicked, something definitely taught/inherited by Chris.  Sometimes it’s hard to not laugh when she does something she probably shouldn’t be doing because she does it in such a hilarious way!  This age is so much fun (minus the tantrums).

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Photo credits to Max Turner