They say you should never give up on a bad day. Well today was not a bad day, but yesterday, it felt like it was. So should I give up breastfeeding? Here’s what is running through my mind…
What would I’d do with the 2.5hrs a day I currently spend attached to a pump? I could exercise in the morning because I wouldn’t be engorged when I wake up. I could help get Aviana ready for daycare in the morning.
Would I miss escaping to my ice box ‘lactation station’ private room at work? They can’t do anything about the temperature in the room. I am wrapped in a fleece blanket and still cold. I hate it. I want to work from home so I can pump quicker, but it’s not so easy with some of my projects.
I would probably need to stop sending formula coupons to a lovely lady I met through my local infertility support group who has twins just a few weeks younger than Aviana.
What would I use my giant work pumping bag for if it wasn’t carrying my pump?
Will Aviana get sick more often? Chris is ill at the moment and Aviana and I have both stayed well…this has happened before but when he caught the flu which would potentially have been serious.
Will my nipples stop hurting after Aviana has recently learned how to bite me?
I wouldn’t need to lug my pump everywhere and figure out how to get my milk back from different foreign countries when traveling with work, navigating different customs rules.
I might feel sexy again and not feel like a human milk machine? I could wear bras that I like!!
I would miss those nursing moments with Aviana that are so precious to me. And it’s not for long. She will only be this young once and this will be my only chance to nurse her before she decides she doesn’t need me anymore. She likes to be an independent girl so I fear it would be sooner than later, and makes it even more precious.
The past couple of days at work I felt like quitting. And yesterday as I sat nursing Aviana in the middle of the botanical gardens behind a random bush because she still gets easily distracted, as I batted away the mosquitos and tried not to shout in pain when Aviana clenched her gums around my nipple, I wanted to stop there and then. But today? Today was a good day, even though she bit me, even though she got easily distracted, even though I’m sat here pumping late at night in bed whilst Chris is asleep next to me. Because Aviana looked up at me with a cheeky smile as I nursed her and my heart melted. Still, 7 months later and she gets me right there in the heart.
It’s all about my perspective on the day. Today I don’t want to quit. And this, this is why they say ‘don’t quit on a bad day’.