Tag: parenting

Useful Apps for mums and dads

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OK, I admit it…I love my iPhone. I probably spend way too much time on it, and now I have a baby I spend even more time on it (that doesn’t sound right does it??!!). It’s all the useful, informative and connective Apps I have on it. In fact I think I’m absolutely reliant on my phone even more so now. I dont know how parents do it without a super smart phone because….

A. I have Parenting Information at my finger tips because I have no clue what that weird looking rash is or whether it’s normal for my milk to look like that.

B. Collecting data on my baby is easier because my brain is frazzled and I can’t remember how many poops my baby has done in 24hrs when the pediatrician asks me.

C. I can connect to my distant (even near) friends and family because they want to see Aviana’s progress (and plus chatting with other parents out there going through what we are helps a lot with the sanity!).

D. I can even find and hire a caregiver right from the comfort of my nursing chair.

E. I can order food, clothing and baby supplies because my baby is cluster feeding and I can’t leave the house today.

F. I save money with e-coupons and various store apps, because babies – they eat your money out of your wallet!!

So here are my favourite apps we have been using recently helping us as new parents!!

1. Baby Connect – $4.99

Chris and I both have this app installed on our phones. We can track:

  • Food -what, when, how much, for how long
  • Nappies/diapers – when, what and how much
  • Sleep – times for how long
  • Medical appointments – who, when, including calendar reminders, what happened, weight, length, head size.
  • Medicine – what, how much, when, alarm til next dose
  • Pumping – when, how long, how much
  • Activities- e.g. Bath
  • Milestones & mood – I haven’t used these so much but you can track when she fusses or when she lifts her head or smiles etc. 

But the awesome thing is you get charts and timelines produced automatically for you…and if you know me you KNOW I LOVE data and charts.

The timeline feature helps you figure out any patterns in her sleep or feeds which is very useful if you are on demand feeding! (Look! If you see Aviana’s timeline below She has been getting into a routine at night the past week, it has been amazing!!!!)


It also charts out total time asleep, counts of diapers, total time nursing for how long on each breast Etc…anything data is collected on it can chart it.


Also gives a summary of the stats on weight, length and head size which can also be plotted against the expected data…(you can see here Aviana is catching up!!!)


Finally, here is what my main home screen looks like. I can quickly see how long it has been since the last feed and diaper change.


This Baby Connect App was really useful when the doctor wanted us to record poops and feeds in the first few weeks when Aviana was being closely monitored for weight gain because she was in the less than 1 percentile for weight when leaving the hospital. But then we discovered the sleep data was also useful too. Being able to sync between Chris and I is worth paying the extra $4.99. If our nanny was tech savvy I’d have her use it too (she records the basic info on a baby log sheet instead). Overall for this Baby Connect App I give 9/10!!!

2. What to Expect Pregnancy & Parenting – Free

I started using this App, amongst two others, for tracking my pregnancy week by week. I didn’t realise it would continue on after giving birth. It provides me with a week by week explanation of what is going on as my baby grows. It also gives 5-6 daily articles that are likely to be relevant to me at the time. These articles range from being informative to entertaining. Here is a sample of today’s articles. There are also a few sponsored articles in there too which occasionally grab my attention, but this means the app remains free so I like the way adverts aren’t pushed into my face.


You can see week by week a summary of how your baby is developing…and what to expect! Also gives articles and ads for products that may be useful around this time for baby and you.


There is also a community featur which I dont use because it is full of really DUMB questions. E.g. my baby is not breathing what do I do???! 🙄 OK that is extreme, but you get my gist. Also often full of judgemental mothers, and I dont have time for those kind of people. But each to their own, some people may find it useful or even better entertaining!


Overall, ever since I was pregnant I’ve opened this app almost everyday to get a piece of info, it’s now as routine as me opening BBC news app to catch up on what’s going on in the world, so it must be pretty good. I also like the way I didn’t have to install a new app once Aviana was born. So I give it a 8/10.

3. Ovia Parenting – Free

Similar to the what to expect App, I used the Ovia Pregnancy App to track my pregnancy. So I continued the with th parenting App. Unfortunately, I don’t think they have put as much effort into the Parenting app as they did the pregnancy one. This app provides-

  • daily articles and tips relevant to your baby’s age
  • Milestone checklist
  • Community forum


Personally, I only use this for the articles, I open it every few days. I actually think Ovia has a lot to do to the app to make it as good as the pregnancy one. It looks swish, but functionality wise it’s got a way to go. So overall I give this a meager 5/10.

4. The Wonder Weeks – Free with in App purchases

This was recommended to me by my Doula. I had never heard about the wonder weeks (I wrote about it in my last post). Basically the App is based on the wonder weeks book. It gives a summary of when your baby will go through mental development leaps and what this will mean for your baby. It’s fascinating science! 

This is the home page showing when your baby will go through the next leap and what that means.


It provides a timeline view of when to expect a leap…


And if you want to know more about the leaps, each leap has a bit of info in the App. Although the app is designed to accompany the boom, you can also download each chapter from the book relating to the leap you want to know more about for $0.99.

I downloaded the first leap chapter and wasn’t sure it was worth the money. It was mostly stories of other parents who had experienced the leap, so it can help you feel like you are not alone when going through the leap – it also helps you feel like this is normal and my baby won’t be like this forever!!! Plus helps you to understand what to expect from a parents perspective after the stormy period and the new things your baby can do after the leap. 


I haven’t decided yet if I will just buy the book or keep downloading the chapters as I go. I want to see if it predicts the next second leap well and if the info is useful or not, then I might buy the book. But so far I’m impressed! Overall I give this app an 8/10.

5. BabyMusic – Free with in App purchases.

I love this App, but I only love the Free bit of it!!!! The free music is for engaging attention and curiosity. And Aviana loves it. I use it when we are in play time and I need a break from talking to her!!! 


To unlock all the other music – creativity, restful sleep, calm baby down, stimulate the brain etc. costs $20.99. To download the individual categories is $1.99 each. I haven’t paid any money because I am using other free apps for other sleep type music. I hate that ads keep popping up too interrupting me when I want to start the music. But that’s what you get for free stuff I guess! Overall I give this App a 9/10 even though you have to pay for other music, I love the two free categories because Aviana loves them!!

6. SleepGenius Baby – Free

Two beautiful music sessions. 1.5hrs of nap time music and 1.5hrs of sleep time music. Nap time music is more nursery rhyme-ish but slow and peaceful. Sleep time music is more classical and peaceful.


 Chris said he would listen to this at his desk at work to help relax or block out noise!!! I use this App whilst doing Aviana’s bath before bed and whilst she is having her last feed as a calming cue to bedtime. It is awesome. I give this App 10/10! 

7. OrderUp – Free.

This App enables you to order take away/take out from your favourite restaurants and have it delivered direct to your door. For when you really can’t be bothered to cook because it’s been one of those long days looking after a newborn baby!!! (See wonder weeks!!!!)

I have a few more that I use -RelaxMelodies (white noise and other relaxing sounds), 23Snaps (photo sharing), Care.com (babysitter and nanny hiring), AmazingBaby (activities with baby), LeTote (clothing for hire). But Aviana is about to wake up so I’m in a hurry!

What other Apps do you use and recommend for parents?

The wonder weeks: Leap 1 changing sensations

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Apparently all babies go through the same changes in mental development at the same time – and it is based on dates from conception and not dates from birth. These mental developments are called ‘leaps’. According to the book – The wonder weeks, a leap is a sudden change that brings along a new type of perception.  In the first year of a baby’s life there are eight new types of perceptions and is due to a sudden change in the brain, giving a new learning opportunity.

A leap has two phases: the first is the difficult period which can be noticed by more crying, abnormally clingy and cranky.  The second phase is when the baby masters a new skill or uses old skills in different ways – they will have new interests and be more independent.

The first leap is in week 5.  This leap is all about Aviana’s change in sensations, i.e. what she hears, sees, feels, smells and tastes.  Some of the changes in these sensations she will like and some she won’t.  But we can’t read her mind and she can’t talk so we don’t really know what she thinks about these changes.

On Tuesday, I think she went through this leap (1 day earlier than the book predicts).  She was yelling, crying, screaming – not like the pain cries from her reflux.  The cries were different.  Nothing would console her, she just wanted to be held close, but not too close, she wouldn’t even go in the sling/wrap!  She did this for almost 12 hours straight, I was exhausted mentally and physically, so much so I had to call Chris to come home early from work to help me out.  I didn’t know it in that moment that this was the leap, even though I knew it was coming .  I felt everything that the book told me I would feel…

Insecure and not confident in my parenting abilities.  Nothing I could do would stop her from crying.  I’m an intelligent, sensible and relatively knowledgeable woman.  Why could I not figure this out?

Concern.  I took Aviana’s temperature several times because I worried she might be ill and I was ignoring the signs.  I worried I wasn’t providing her with enough breast milk because she would scream at my breast and she wanted to feed almost every hour.

As soon as she finally slept solidly after all that fuss, I realised where she had been – in that leap.  The book was right.  The book tells me I should look out for how my baby has changed as a result of this leap.  This is what I have noticed in her – she will look at things longer and more often, she actually seems like she listens to me especially, my terrible singing, she is more aware of being touched, smiles more than she did before, gurgles (she has only done this just a couple of times), stays awake longer and is more alert.  Other things that the book says I can expect to see differently after this leap is her expressing her likes or dislikes more often (although we have noticed she does not like a wet diaper anymore), expresses anticipation more often, is more aware of different smells.  Apparently we will also see some physical changes in that she will vomit less, burp less, cry real tears (she was doing this already), startle and tremble less often and choke less!

Interestingly, when I saw the pediatrician today to discuss her reflux and change in medication she said that Aviana is already doing things she wouldn’t expect to see until 3 months old, such as coo-ing.  She said that Aviana will probably “want to go to the zoo very soon”, i.e. want and need more intellectual stimulation so she doesn’t get bored!

Mental leaps – I believe in them!  The next leap is  is due in week 8-9 (post due date, not birth date) This leap will allow her to experience and recognise patterns.  The signals for this leap are slightly different to the first leap, although crying and crankiness seems to be common amongst all leaps.

So mums and dads, if you find your baby crying unusually around week 5 post due date, the chances are your baby is going through a mental leap and it is not a reflection of your parenting abilities!  Knowing this helped me psychologically get over her almost inconsolable cries!!!  If you want to know more, I suggest downloading the wonder weeks app or buy the book.  Fascinating stuff.

Sharenting

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Sharenting – the act of parents who share photos online with friends and family.

Aviana made her internet profile debut as a 5 day old embryo. We were proud to announce to the world on Facebook, Instagram and my blog (www.thegreatpuddingclubhunt.com) that our third cycle of IVF was heading in a positive direction and we successfully transferred two embryos, one being Aviana. I thought carefully about posting ultrasound pictures on Facebook knowing how hard it is to see these types of pictures when dealing with infertility, but I posted a few of Aviana on my blog and Instagram. Aviana’s online photo presence grew to the obligatory birth announcement on Facebook a few days after she was born. And then we decided that we would not be posting more photos of her on Facebook or Instagram, unless she was in a photo with other adults.

Why?

1. Because photos of cute children can end up being used commercially without the consent of the guardian.

It is perfectly possible that despite your best efforts to lock down your privacy settings on Facebook that one of your unknowing friends or family doesn’t have equal levels of privacy and shares one of your photos. Then it’s out of your control.

2. Because our children have a right to privacy.

I’m not saying that parents who share photos on Facebook or Instagram are maliciously sharing photos and destroying their child’s right to privacy…but rather, it’s hard to know exactly what the long term effects might be to our children’s privacy in the future. For me, I have acquaintances on my Facebook, I’m friends with almost 600 people, of which many are whom I have met occasionally but don’t know overly well. 

3. Because of Pedophiles. 

I know of Parenting bloggers who will post pictures of their children naked in the bath or on the potty. These types of images are known to be collected by pedophiles from these sites.

4. Because of the meme culture. 

Chris took an amazing picture of Aviana looking like Dr Evil from Austin Powers. She had her little pinky finger to her mouth, and with her baldish head made a wonderful impersonation. So Chris created a picture comparing Aviana to Dr Evil. This is the exact type of picture that gets shared as a meme and suddenly it is shared like wildfire and all control is lost. In the end we only shared this photo with a couple of close friends by private messenger.

5. Because we want Aviana to form her own identity in the future.

We don’t know what the impact of sharenting is on children in the longer term. Giving her that freedom and choice for the future is what we hope to achieve.

I’m not perfect when it comes to protecting Avian’s privacy online. Firstly, I’m writing about her on this blog. I’ve already written about her health issues and behaviours. Could this information be used against her in the future? 

We are using 23 Snaps to share photos of Aviana with my closest friends and family. It is a site that was designed specifically by parents to protect the privacy of their own children online. The data on 23 snaps is stored on Amazon S3 servers. Amazon take privacy very seriously – even the US federal government use their servers for sensitive information. But does that mean in the future this data will still be secure?

I personally believe our lives are better by sharing on the internet. My blogs are examples of that belief. Also I don’t know how I would keep up with good friends and family without Facebook, Instagram, 23snaps and other social media apps. Sharing is good. But for me it is under the right conditions, and that is something I judge on a daily basis. I wish it was easier and that I could freely share without having to worry about the consequences. 

As parents we make choices on behalf of our children every day until they are old enough and responsible enough to make their own. Just as we choose their clothes, school, what they eat and sometimes even their friends we have to make a choice for them about their online profiles. Parenting is all about choices and many of which there is no one right way. Sharenting is also a choice and we decided not to share pictures of just her on Facebook. We will decide what to or not write about her on this blog. Sometimes we will get it right and sometimes we will get it wrong. But that’s being a parent, and that’s what sharenting is all about, choices of the parent.

Silent Reflux

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Aviana became a different baby the day of her 4th week birthday – overnight she went from Jekyll to Hyde.  I have already written about how tough that week was until we learned that she might have silent reflux. Poor girl couldn’t help it and we felt helpless until we went to our pediatrician.  She confirmed that the symptoms we had seen in Aviana were indeed silent reflux and that it sounded like the medication she was going to prescribe would work a treat.  Aviana was prescribed Zantac (an antacid), she was weighed (a staggering 7lbs 8oz – remember she was 5lbs 1oz at birth! I apparently have super calorific -ex-pi-ali-docious milk!) and her dosage calculated because it is determined by weight, not age – which worked out at 0.6ml twice daily.  We picked up the prescription and earnestly waited for the right time to administer it.

That evening Aviana slept very well, and we slept a little better.  It wasn’t until two days later I noticed a new baby.  Our happy baby was back.  I got several smiles during the day, she slept well and ate well.  She can now lie happily on her back.

She still has gas and struggles to get the poo out, waking herself up after a few hours and trying hard to let it all out (which is apparently very normal in newborns as they learn to use their bowels) – considering she is an IUGR baby, this isn’t overly surprising that she finds it particularly tough to get the poo out (she’s not constipated though).  Hoping this changes soon!

Unfortunately, we have noticed the past few days when it comes close to giving her next dose you can hear the reflux gurgling away in the back of her throat and she starts to get wheezy breathing again.  So back to the pediatrician again on Thursday to discuss change in dosage and frequency.

It’s all certainly manageable, but it is so tough to see Aviana cry when she is clearly in pain and there is very little I can do to help her.  I discussed this with my doula yesterday – what do parents do with babies who live in countries where they don’t have access to medications like we do?  Do they go insane from the psychological torture?  I always wonder what our diets are doing to breast milk and the impact it has on our babies guts…

The part time nanny

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After my 4 week postpartum checkup my doctor referred me to physical therapy to help me with my urinary incontinence. At my initial consult with the therapist it was decided I needed weekly therapy sessions. So the big question was – how would I be able to do this if I’m supposed to be looking after Aviana?! Chris and I decided we probably needed help with this.

We figured we needed the help of a part time nanny.  So we settled on 8 hrs once a week. This would also allow Chris and I to get some uninterrupted time to study and keep up with our executive development programs.

We turned to care.com as some of our friends have used it successfully to hire nanny or babysitter. We posted our ad stating our requirements for the position and the applications came flooding in within minutes. Isn’t the internet great?!

We quickly realised that half of the applicants hadn’t even bothered reading what the job was, for example some were seeking full time positions.  It’s quite a simple thing to do when applying for a job.  That pisses me off. Then there were the applicants who made BAD spelling  mistakes, for example…”Hi, my mame is…”. Seriously? I’m not looking for America’s top spelling Bee, but please, take the time to just read over your message before hitting send. Then there were applicants whose photos simply terrified me. Like scary crazy selfies.  Maybe I am officially old and too traditional, but I really don’t think ‘sexy posed selfies’ are not appropriate! Finally, there were then those applicants who just didn’t bother replying back. That’s just rude and a waste of my precious free time I have spent reading your application rather than doing the ever growing list of things I have to do-but can’t do -because I’m trying to keep a newborn baby alive!!!! GRRRRRRR.

After all that, we narrowed it down to a couple of candidates. I spoke to one of our favourites on the phone, and then invited her to meet in a coffee shop the next day to get to know her a bit better.

I was worried that she wouldn’t turn up, but she did! It is oddmeeting a stranger who I was going to effectively trust with my daughter’s life in my own home. She was not a professional nanny but appeared to be knowledgeable, caring, gentle with Aviana, and had a clear mind to being organised and efficient.  Her charge out rate was $13 per hour which we considered to be very good.  Her ‘parenting’ approach she prefers was one of ‘routine’. Although I don’t want my future life to be dictated by a schedule determined by a Military-esque series of timings, having some routine I believe is good for baby.  It may not be a routine in terms of timing, but routine in good habit forming is something I believe to be important.  Equally I’d like to encourage Aviana to be adaptable and independent as well, so hopefully we will teach her those skills as well.  Anyway I digress a little….although it is important that a nanny matches your beliefs and style, we are so new to this parenting game that it is difficult to really know what we are looking for.  We have ideas, but practically may be they won’t match reality.

We didn’t preclude candidates based on their age or education level or their charge out rate, but some basic qualifications we sought, including infant CPR.  I think if we were looking for a full time nanny and if Aviana was slightly older our requirements would be very different.  Equally, we weren’t looking for just a babysitter, Aviana’s development is important to us, even if it is only one day a week.

All of this process we managed to do in just four days.  We really hope this works out!  Next week is when she starts a trial day, so watch this space….. :-s

Family bath time fun

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We managed a lovely respite from Aviana’s fussiness. She loves the bath (except when she gets cold), so we decided when she was calm and alert to have an impromptu family bath.

Fortunately we have a large bath that can accommodate all three of us! I drew the bath, used the thermometer to get the temperature just right, put on some baby music, got all her bath things ready whilst Chris changed her.  Once we were all in the tub Aviana looked so relaxed, peaceful and happy to be there as she floated in the water on her back. It was a welcome relief after her constantly being upset and uncomfortable the past few days.

Just as we finished washing her hair, it then happened….a bathing parents nightmare…the Great poo-splosion! Clearly she was so relaxed she decided to also relax her bowels!!! 

Needless to say, we all needed a shower after our bath!!

I don’t think I would do this on my own with Aviana, I’d be afraid of slipping or dropping her, but between the both of us I felt much safer, although perhaps a non slip mat in the tub would be a good idea.

Despite this gross little accident it was a wonderful experience that we will try to incorporate into our weekly routine.

Some time in the future Aviana, your baths will be like this.No poo required!!!

A tough few days

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Last Wednesday evening Aviana decided that she didn’t want to go to sleep and rather fuss, and this trend then continued through the day and night Thursday, Friday and today.  What I mean by this is that she no longer wants to lie down in her crib, she wants to be held.  When we finally do get her down she will eventually wake up screaming the house down because she either wants to poo, fart and more often than not, shart.

It was taking us a couple of hours of soothing her in anyway possible before she would consider to stop crying.  Of course, the more tired she gets, the harder it is to get her to stop crying.  There is no one way to stop the tears, but generally requires her falling asleep upright in our arms.  I have also been spending all day carrying her and trying different ways to console the tears (thankfully I discovered the wrap works sometimes to help get her to sleep which saves my back).

sling

Moby wrap to the rescue!

The cries aren’t continuous, but rather they would stop after a minute or two, then she would fuss again, I’d get her into another position, calm down, then she’d fuss and so on.  Each day she will have an hour or two of good sleep because she has exhausted herself from crying.

Yesterday Chris called me from his work to say that someone he spoke to recognised this as potentially being a sign of silent reflux.  All of Aviana’s symptoms match.  She has been doing other things over the past few weeks that individually didn’t concern us, but when they add up together they could be silent reflux.  We don’t have a diagnosis yet, we need to see our pediatrician next week about it before we are sure.

She is in pain when she poos/farts, arching her back, screwing up her face crying and then stops crying once it has been released.  Sometimes she will stiffen her whole body out straight as if she is a flying superwoman.  More often when she is breast feeding she will cry and cling onto my nipple and pull her head away fighting my boob – it’s very difficult to explain to a newborn not to do that, it happens so quickly that it is difficult to unlatch her in time – and it bloody hurts, she actually has a very strong neck for a newborn.  She rarely spits up, and is difficult to burp.  She gets incessant hiccups, it happens roughly 3 in every 4 feeds, and they are exhausting for her so she gets frustrated at them and cries more.  Sometimes a pacifer gets rid of them, or even getting her to drink a bit of breastmilk can help.  She has a slight wheeze and congestion that is noticeable when she sleeps. At first we thought it was just newborn-ness and was endearing, we even nicknamed her little goose because she sounds like she is honking like a goose.

Even right now as she sleeps in her bassinet that we have tilted upright I’m listening to her cough, splutter and cry for a few seconds,  then she goes back to sleep instantly.  It’s upsetting to hear her like this.

She was such a happy easy going baby until now.  Today we went to a baby massage class (despite us only getting about two and half hours of broken sleep last night) and lets just say it was very noticeable how cranky and upset she was compared to the other newborn babies.

So until we get some answers from the pediatrician we are keeping her upright after her feeds which is helping a bit, letting her sleep upright as much as possible so she does get some sleep and not get too overtired which then perpetuates the problem.  I am also going to arrange a after we see the pediatrician a consult with an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) to have my latch checked and get advice on what we can do to help her when it comes to breastfeeding.  We also have the name of a specialist doctor in the local area referred to us by a friend just in case we don’t get answers from our ped.

Whatever is going on with our baby girl she really isn’t comfortable right now and it is tough watching her feel like that, and tough on us, especially as Chris has gone back to work.  Fortunately, we have a post partum doula to help us out a bit more next week.  We may need her for more help than we originally thought, but we shall see!

Smile and the whole world smiles with you

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I swear Aviana smiled BACK at me a couple of days ago.  Yes, yes, I know all the books say  that it doesn’t happen until 6-8 weeks old, but my 3.5 week old baby surely smiled back at me.  It’s still possible, right??  It was different to all the other smiles we have seen since she was born – the so-called reflex smile.  This smile lingered and she was looking at me and slightly turned away coyly, it just felt different, it felt like a genuine interaction.

But when I told Chris, we put it down to her gassy nature…our baby girl does have a lot of gas (the poor lass sometimes sounds in pain when passing wind). And so I thought nothing more of it…..

….Until yesterday afternoon.  We were visiting a friends house when they were cooing over Aviana with Chris.  Chris was talking about Aviana being a strong contender for the gurning competition (she has some wonderful expressions).  And all of a sudden they exclaimed – look she smiled! Come see Dani! And so she did another two times.  Chris was tickling her and getting a smile in response.  But doesn’t this still count as a reflex smile?  After all Chris was generating a response by tickling her, that’s the definition of a reflex?  Or may be I wasn’t so daft in the end thinking that she actually smiled at me?  But again, it was still dubious.  Later that evening Chris managed to replicate the smile by tickling her. OK….so perhaps she is interacting with us??!

And then this afternoon she was wide awake, I was talking away to her, and after changing her I kissed her belly, told her how much I loved her and smiled at her – she smiled right back at me with a kind of immature half giggle to say she liked the tummy kisses.  Or may be I just tickled her again??!

I don’t care what the books say when she should smile…whatever it was, it was freaking adorable and it was a wonderful reward.  I can’t wait for more!!!!

baby smile.jpg

Already bad parents?

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Chris had been shoveling snow for much of the day, so later in the evening he exclaimed how sore his back was.  I suggested he take a bath to relax his muscles, and then I suggested how about we share a bath seeing as I was having a bath most nights (which were seriously helping with my postpartum recovery and slightly sore back & boobs from breastfeeding!).  What a great idea!  Now all we needed to do was figure out how to fit the time in so that we could both be in the bath together at the same time! Ha!  Not so easy with a new born- am I right??!

We have already discovered the ‘witching hour’, or ‘fussy time’ Aviana has in the evenings.  She is a perfect angel the rest of the day – and even at night she isn’t too bad at sticking to Eat, Activity, Sleep, You Time (E.A.S.Y. – more on this in another post!).  So trying to fit time in the evening to share a relaxing bath together was always going to be a challenge!  But!  We fed her, changed her, and after a bit of soothing help she went down to sleep at about 7.30PM. Or so we thought….

Quick!  Let’s run the bath, light the candles, grab a glass of wine and hop in whilst she sleeps!

We got to lighting the candles and filling up the tub before she started fussing.  Of course, I had just got in the bath, Chris had stripped down and was about to join me.  We knew that she wasn’t hungry (it wasn’t a hungry cry), she was comfortable, she was dry – she was fussing because she was too tired/overstimulated from being awake for the past 3.5 hours.  So Chris suggested just letting her soothe herself this time.  Chris got in the bath with me, and she cried.  Her crib was literally the other side of the wall, her cries made the bath a tortuous place to be! This wasn’t what it was meant to be like!

We timed her crying.  3 minutes is how long we agreed to wait to see if she would soothe herself. That’s what many books say is a reasonable time.

Low and behold at about 2 minutes 45 seconds later, she quietly stopped crying and babbled away to herself.

Ahhhhhh and breathe.

3 minutes later, the same thing happened.  We reset the clock and timed her crying, and again she stopped crying on her own.  It is amazing, Chris asked me how long did I think she had been crying for, and to me it fell like 3 or 4 minutes, when it had actually only been 1 minute.  It seemed like forever, what mind mess! 

The third time she started crying again, I said to Chris, I think she must be hungry still.  He urged me to just see if she will stop.  As she cried and as we watched the clock sat in our candle lit bath, drinking wine, he turned to me and said – ‘Are we bad parents for letting our baby cry as we sit next door to her drinking wine in a bath?’  I said, ‘probably….But I can’t take this anymore.’  So Chris got up out of the bath and said, you stay here, I will soothe her. And just as Chris got out, she stopped crying and fell asleep.  In fact she fell asleep and stayed asleep for her longest stretch so far – 4hrs of solid sleep!

We won’t be trying any cry it out methods.  But we learned that she can actually soothe herself – as long as we know that she is fed, clean, dry, safe, not ill and we have tried soothing her with the 5 Ss (Swaddle, Suck, Side, Sway and Shhhhh-ing),we discovered a bit of crying is OK when they are just too tired.

Mom – were you on drugs?

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At our two week wellness visit to Aviana’s pediatrician, Chris asked the doctor about something strange he had noticed Aviana do a couple of times. He noticed a few times that she would have a shudder/tremor/shake in her arms for a very brief moment, almost looking like a mini seizure. 

The doctor looked at me and asked ‘mom, do you drink much caffeine?’ I said no. I have one or two cups of black tea a day (British tea of course!) and the occasional decaf coffee at Starbucks. I gave up coffee when we started trying to conceive a few years ago!. 

‘Hmmm- were you on any medications when you were pregnant? Because babies can get this reaction from withdrawal?’ I said no.

Then we could all guess what the next awkward question that the doctor was going to ask, but then she looked at me as if to say, well you don’t look like the kind of person who is a druggy or alcoholic, and she paused….so awkward.

But then the doctor quickly said it was probably just a benign infant tremor and that we should keep an eye on it if it keeps happening as an indicator of something to look into with her nervous system.

It can’t be easy being a pediatrician when it comes to working with parents!! They have a duty of care to the child and many problems with a child can be caused by the parents and they have to deal with that factor as well. We just watched an episode of greys anatomy where the intern thought munchausen by proxy was causing the child to be inexplicably ill.  It was very awkward when the intern brought the psychologist in to do an assessment on the parent…until the parent figured out what was going on. So awkward. When in fact what really was the problem was a very rare disease that was missed because of a false positive test result.

Taking our baby to the doctors is going to be a whole new skill for us to learn as parents. When we are ill, we at least can describe what we feel like to the doctor, how much it hurts and where. A baby can only communicate to us by crying (or not crying), and we can only observe and monitor changes in her physical appearance and her behaviour. The trouble is, determining what is and isn’t normal when we have never done this before!!!! Overly cautious is probably where we stand with our little one. Poor doctor is probably going to get lots of questions from us on the phone 😂